“All I ever wanted to be was a mom.” Many can resonate with this phrase and have probably heard other women say it, too. Unfortunately, the journey to motherhood isn’t always the perfect and happy experience many women imagine. The road to motherhood can be long, complicated, and painful, with challenges and losses. More and more women and their families and loved ones not only struggle to have children but also face losses. While there may be many factors that may contribute to these unfortunate losses, the reality is that loss is part of life. Sadly, 1 in 4 women have felt the pain and loss of having to say goodbye too soon to their baby (or even babies). Whether having held her baby in the womb or in her arms, a mother knows the heart and soul of her little one. The pain of loss can be overwhelming and debilitating. While days are certainly darker following the loss of a baby, know that brighter days lie ahead.
I can relate as I, too, am 1 in 4. While I was never able to hold my sweet baby in my arms, I felt my baby’s soul. I had always looked forward to being a mother and was so excited when I was pregnant. Then I had a miscarriage at the start of my second trimester. My heart felt like it was ripped out and I lost part of myself. I was so connected to my baby and never expected my first pregnancy to end in a painful loss. It took months for my body to heal and the weight of the sadness to not be so heavy. I was blessed with amazing support of family and friends. I believe that we grow through what we go through. My loss opened my eyes to a world I never knew, to emotions and pains I could never imagine. I’m grateful for what I learned from my loss as I have been able to grow as a mother, wife, woman, and doctor. Our society typically has not made it easy or comfortable for women and families to share this grief or loss. My loss opened the door for many in my life to reach out for help and support. I am so honored and thankful for their trust to help them and their families heal through their losses and fertility struggles. Healing is a process and certainly different for each person. Fortunately, we were blessed to get pregnant again the year after our loss. My son, my rainbow baby, has certainly been an important part of my healing. I am so grateful for both my babies.
While nothing can ever replace the precious life that was lost, there are ways to help cope with the grief and pain. First, allow yourself to be sad and grieve. This intensity of sadness will not last forever. Personally, I found comfort in the support of family and friends. Books and blogs can be helpful as well. Knowing you can share and relate with others is an important part of the healing process. I was introduced to the book Spirit Babies; it provided light and insight on ways to heal through the grief and connect with myself and baby. When you feel ready, connecting with a support group can be healing as well. A special piece of jewelry or art can be a beautiful way to celebrate their life and keep their presence in your life. Many find it healing to remember their baby through planting a tree or flower. We planted a butterfly garden as butterflies symbolize the souls of lost loved ones. Seeing the garden grow each year and the beautiful butterflies gathering warms my heart and is a special remembrance of my baby. Listen to your heart for what feels right for you and your family to heal and remember your precious baby.
Join us October 15th at 7:00pm and light a candle in remembrance and honor of all the sweet babies gone too soon. This special remembrance is called “The Wave of Light” and can be felt and experienced worldwide. All are welcome to participate as we honor these special souls.
If you or a loved one have lost a precious little one, we send you love, healing vibes, and prayers. Know that you are not alone. Please do not hesitate to reach out to us if you need support.
Sending you love and light.
-Dr. Abbey